Unlocked Thoughts

I have been away from the doctor for about a week now and haven't heard my results. I still have minor digestion pain and not enough to qualify for another crazy pill. I don't know how I am fairing. I have good days and watch what I eat. I don't eat fast food ever. I just eat regular homemade food. My husband gives me good advice. I don't know. I just fear hearing another sad story. Doctors have changed. I hear more and more stories about Doctors pushing medicines on people just to get paid and not really taking care of the people in need. I miss my Doctor Wayne D Meech. He was my grandmother's and mother's doctor and he was my doctor. Three generations, he has seen in my family. He has retired and hopefully living well and beyond his years. He was the best doctor. He did what was needed not unnecessary. I hate to see another doctor because the side effects of medicine we take can sometimes be lasting and you don't know the damage done until ti...

Sorry I haven't been blogging everyday. So, allow me to provide an update on life. My Health: I am eating again. No, fast food and if so I am limited it to only twice in one month if that. I can't stomach barbecue sauce or citrus things. It does something weird to me but I dont know. I leave it alone. I can tolerate ranch and milk products. I dont get heartburn from foods and now I can swallow very well. I do eat stuff with probiotics that is the good bacteria for your stomach. I am feeling great and healthy yet again. We all know who to thank our heavenly Father Jehovah God for carrying us through. My Marriage: Tomorrow will be the official three months of being married to Jonathan. It's been great! We have discussed more things as times passes, such as future planning for kids, where we want to live, our debts and financial planning, and other things that most forget about in their first year of marriage. Lately, we have spent more quality time together. I ...

Just stormed out my house, the only things I have in my coat pockets are my house keys, comb, a dollar, and my phone. I'm very angry... I'm trying my hardest not to let silly things get to me; but when you insult my slang (way of speaking), my hometown, my husband you crossed one too many lines or you passed the point of no return. Sorry, I seem so violent or mean-spirited but this week has been full of good things and bad things . I'm starting to overcome my feelings of eating. I have been feeling bad side effects because of other new medicine I'm taking. I treated myself to a new wallet and I had a 18 minute massage for only $9. I was just having a grand time with my husband earlier today. Here comes Satan, playing with my emotions. I posted a funny comment of what happened today on Facebook about my husband, using a way of speaking that I used back home (dialect or colloquialism) and a sister took it in a very unpleasant manner and made a joke out of it. It m...

I found out that there is nothing wrong down in my belly and if I stop these pills I may be freeing myself from the side effects of PPIs, such as Protonix. I have two little lines in my belly and two lumps in my throat from taking the meds. I know my doctor may be mad but, I quit!!! My stomach is pink and well. I just had a bad flare from acid reflux and all of a sudden. I'm a victim or a carrier of GERD. The sad part is that the doctors only want money and really won't help cure naturally. I'm going to be a monitor of my health and no cheating ever. No fried foods but that's for a good cause. Lost 31 lbs and plan to lose more. 314 and 190 is my goal. Yay! Here I come!  Thank you Jehovah God for sustaining me and please continue I'm going to need you always until your new kingdom comes. This may be hard but I'm going to try to stay positive from here on out. DGL and Aloe Vera here I come.

Getting an EDG done, will be under in temp coma, lol. Today I am at Indu Raj Soin Medical Center. It's a beautiful hospital and it's very peaceful. I love the fact that my veins suck lol. Omg, I got poked twice with IV needles. I tell you its no fun, but I think as time goes on this will be standard practice for my unfortunate veins. My in-laws are coming to see me today. My husband, who works in collections, couldn't get the time off to be with me. That really sucks. I met my anesthetics doctor. He will be knocking me out so, if I dont wake. I will make this my living will. LOL. Can we socially do that? Well,  Jonathan will be a supervisor who is in charge of whatever department he chooses. He will have a nice 3 bedroom house with 2 baths paid in full, he will have to pay taxes and insurance and utilities. His family will have their 3 bedroom house remodel and furnished and paid off. Same conditions that apply for my husband Jonathan applies to them. My sister and...

Looking back in time, we all want to change our mistakes and create new opportunities that we didn't embark on before. Time. It's a passing element and we tend to forsake it more than anything before. Time flies fast than a dragonfly and there is no telling how much time we have left. I was looking for something to blog today. I thought about my past and how I can you use it benefit those who are the age that I was before. How can I help them? What could I possibly have to say to them that would be of benefit? So I look back throughout the years. The age of 16 years old. I decide to write lessons I should have learned when I was 16 years old. Give myself the wisdom that I should have listened to before. Maybe this is what you are currently dealing with now, maybe not. If your mother, father, grandparents or other god-parents are deceased, this could be a refresher or a start of motherly advice that I have gotten. Lessons for my 16 years old self. Boys Boys are imm...

A Little Life in the Hands of a Mother... I was an prestigious event yesterday night and the event was held to all those across the world. I was unable to sit hungry for 3 hours, so of course I pack some snacks in my bag along with my songbook and bible. I tucked my fork (couldn't find a disposable spoon) and unsweetened applesauce in my purse and strolled to the empty mother's room in the bathroom. Ah-hah! Sanctuary and could still hear what was being said. I ate my applesauce and cling to its not so appeasing texture. The door that was closed, was slowly being open. Has other realize my plans and came to do the same? To my surprise, (shouldn't be a surprise, if I was in a mother's room) a mother and her 8 weeks old son came inside the room with me. I watched her very intently as she shushed and cooed with her hungry son. I greet the sister and son as they became comfortable sitting together. As she check to see if he was sleepy by rocking and cooing him, she...

I'm at work, just trying to fight my tears about my health. ... "I'm getting kind of depressed about my throat and it's pain. Oh, Jah! It's hard to swallow and the things that are headed my way frighten me. I pray to be positive and hopeful that no matter what the doctors find that you feed and cherish my soul so that I'm healthy to do your will and help me stay courageous and confident to do your will. Let my thoughts be positive and leave things in your hands and please work with the doctors to respect your law about blood (if need be) and my wishes. This is hopefully then end. If not, give me patience to endure. Amen" You never know what trials beset us, but you can always guess seconds before they come. Satan is browbeating me, because I, just as the rest of the 7.5 million, am a follower of Jesus Christ, preaching God's Kingdom to all inhabited earth making disciples. (Matt 28:19,20) This trial is going to be hard and with the help...

Patience is virtue, yet so is calmness of mind. My mind does everything and is a center of functionality; however my mind stresses me out and I allow it to put me in constant worry. Maybe, a silencer is the best way to keep my mind quiet. No, I don't mean the nine inch pistol that you can't hear. I mean, peace and tranquility. With everything going on, I lost those elements very easy. I'm a worry-body, which means I worry a lot about the absolute worst that could happen, and yes, none of it ever happens. Only if I let it happen. After my mom died last year, her some of her last words to me were, "Take a deep breath and relax." I'm getting my best to keep that in my mind. It's hard and yesterday night I had the biggest breakdown (again) of tears and frustration. I blamed myself but, the inner part of me knew that wouldn't help it was only going to hurt me more. Once again, I let my mind drive me beyond the stars and thankfully common sense s...

People always ask continually: How is married life? Everyday I have a better and meaningful answer as time passes. My husband, Jonathan Barnes, is an amazing man. We have been married for only 3 months, but with everything that we've been through it feels like forever. Some days he gets on my nerves and other days he is as sweet as he wants to be. The first year is the hardest, I will tell everyone that. Looking ahead, I can easily say that the first five years are hard, or wisely say that everyday comes with a grain of craziness but a nine inch dinner plate of happiness and it's up to you to let one grain of rice ruin the meal. I love being married. It's like a lifetime of work or it can be compared to juggling work, money, time, bills, love, and health. Adding kids just doubles the amount per person.  Now, everyone shouldn't take my word our viewpoint because many have their own stories of horror or eternal bliss. Unfortunately, if everything was rainbows ...

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman: I'm twenty-five years old and have the pain of a 60 year old woman. I have the known condition, Hiatal Hernia. It's where your stomach slides up your diaphragm and gets stuck. How horrible right?! I have been to the ER twice in one week. I have been following Acid Reflux diets for over a month. I have to eat less and often. I weigh about 331 lbs and I'm taking two antacids daily, Zantac 300mg and now a Proton Pump Inhibitor called Protonix 40mg for 5 days. I'm afraid to eat because the top part of my stomach is being squeezed by my diaphragm. Life is hard for me and my newly married, well, second marriage, husband. I have a feeling that this is ask my fault. I have trouble eating and ADD/ADHD, makes it hard for me to eat healthy without being picky. I have lost 10 lbs but having a hard time losing more weight. I don't eat enough. Today I haven't eaten much of anything. I feel it's too painful to eat, to sleep, to exercise, or ...