Emotional Eating


Today's Location

I'm enjoying my vacation and sickness of my spouse seems to be intervening everything. Well, to be honest, I only have  $140.36 to my name and I don't have much to spend right now. Hotels are literally "highway" robbery. I could have stayed less days but at the time the price seemed right and now it's hurts. I have funds stuck in holding right now. I'm realizing as a married lady that I'm such a free-spirited solo person. I love my husband but really getting to know who you are before marriage is very important. I wish that I could just travel and just leave and not having someone worrying about me.

Today in the second year of my marriage: the most thing that I feel aren't being appreciated on a daily basis are my emotions. I know that women have umpteen-million on them but I wish someone would inquire more about them. However, people want to know about gossip and other matter of little important. Yes, men are problem solvers but the women species have no problem solving her own matters at least I don't.

Background on How I Cope With My Emotions

I was looking up more useless information online. I ran into the foreign word and meaning: "Kummerspeck" (German) meaning, "excess weight gained from emotional overeating. Literally, grief bacon." I can so relate to emotional eating. It's a problem. I suffer with this unfulfilled but filling disease. I ate away pain but really it's still there. I'm overweight and the heaviest I have ever been and I don't know why but I could guess that I feel appreciated and that's not just directed to my love life. It includes my family, work and friends. I eat of agony, depression, PTSD, anxiety, and loneliness from my new state of life. I just wish I was home and not in Ohio. I could careless about the National Champion title of Buckeyes. I want to be at peace and alone in solitude, being trapped down with anxiety and ADD, no other car/license. You just feeling like glued to the hip. People don't care they just spread more rumors about how you're unhappy with no real motive to help you out.

In Michigan, for 6 days, I feel at home, relaxed and just at peace with my surroundings. I don't want to step back into a foreign land. I love it here. I want to move but I don't think that will ever happen. It's the end of the world and nothing is getting easier.Those eyes of each storm don't exist anymore. I used to have breathing room. I may be over thinking things but, I feel unworthy. I am trying to push forward with my life and learning to appreciate myself, which from my battle torn past it is not easy at all. I have put myself in situations of massive disrespect and troubles. Grew up without a biological father and learning to be submissive and I'm a hot headed person, bitter and get angry fast. I'm not proud of it. I'm really not and I want to change yet, it doesn't come easy to me. I have to give myself a hard stare in the mirror and accept myself. Weigh-In: 396 lbs; Overweight but not a tweedledee or a tweedledum, I'm 5'9". I'm sure this could be a positive outcome and I have to dedicate myself to this.

I just hired a personal trainer and I hope to push to eat and have a better relationship with food. I have used to cope with life and sustain my life. I will be paying $15 a session. I have to start because as much I convinced myself that no one would care if I have up and died. I can't continue to deny the people who stick the head in my door to check on me. I know it's not the paparazzi or other numerous people but I touched so many lives not to take care of myself. I owed to them and my mother who I have taken care of for the last years on earth. People put a lot into me and I would be mistreating and showing no appreciation to them or Jehovah God.

Financial Stress

Coming from a downtrodden position and being the only supporter in my family, I have a lot on my plate. I have been supporting the family for about 5 months, soon 6 months. I have been making it along the way, but everyday after work and my husband hasn't found work. I feel defeated and recently we watched the JW Broadcasting for the month of May 2015. It helped my husband and gave me hope. I mean, right now I'm away from work but I need to step back up and get my spiritual life together and move along. I often advance cash to make my days meet and I haven't gotten a raise due to my poorly trained manager. I have a lot on my plates. My husband gets call about debt from sunrise to sunset. I haven't got to pay my little extra bills. It's hard and we haven't have let up. I don't know what to do some days. I thus eat and never sit and deal with my emotions and stress. Since we have moved I have not been able to dance because there are grown men who play on the basketball court I would dance at. I live in Dayton and through Detroit has got them beat in crime. There is a lot of rapist and pedophiles in the area. I don't want to be away from the house alone. I need to exercise to destress from everything.

Until We Meet Again...

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