Overthinking at 2AM

It's 2am. I have 3 days until I am laid off and at home like a sitting duck as far as secular work goes. I have so many things running through my mind right now and so much to do before the big days. Four years at a company that made me stressed, loved, hated and overweight from a sedentary lifestyle. I can only imagine where I begin from here, because as a fairly semi-positive person, I know this is not the end of my road.  Even though the human feeling of losing a job is very disturbing and a letdown. I have to realized that my prayers have been answer and I vow to Jehovah I will continue to serve him no matter what. I also wanted to increase my ministry which has been suffering heavily but this month that has changed.  We picked up a good habit and I am looking forward to help a sister auxiliary pioneer in July. I hope my health is good or fair enough to pull throughout the hot/humid weather in the Eastern US region.

However those things, as exciting as they can be, still have to be processed and those ugly feelings still are being processed by me. So yes, I feel sad and disheartened about losing my job, gaining tremendous weight (as a silently coping binge eater), and worrying about my bills and my family well-being. This is where I have to trust in Jehovah God. I really need to keep praying and being resilient in my serving him. I am not going to lie, I am scared and you may or have felt like I did. We learn about our faithful brothers and sisters in the Bible, but due to lack of doubt/faith we chicken out or "feel scared." As a young child, I would watched Jehovah God work wonders for my mom. I thought she was perfect when I was able to see the helping wide hands from behind the scene but now as an married adult I know that she might have been really frightened as I feel now with different conditions.

(Sorry, tears are rolling down my cheeks right now.)

I often thinking to myself how did she do it? How did she looks so confident and maybe it's mother native pride. Maybe she cried behind close doors. I have seen her tears but I would focus on consoling them and helping her to take care of things. I want to ease her pain every moment I could. She didn't deserve all the things that happened to her. She gave to people, raised her children alone, and love genuinely.  She was a true lover of Jehovah and vow what she paid at least the promise she told me about coming and staying back with Jehovah. I owe that woman a lot. She has inculcated the love of Jehovah deeply in my heart. I wasn't the golden child but I am blessed I got to apologized for the hurt I have caused her. We all are aching without you here. I hope to see you very soon, Mom.

(This is part where I really try to regain control.)

I know I am going to be okay, because the hands that helps my mother are the same ones that will guard me. Trying to live life without your imperfections getting in the way has got to be the hardest things for anyone living nowadays. I am going to be okay. Sorry if I sound like I am falling apart but I am. Send your prayers and warm love. I will get through this and to know my "job loss" is not as bad as the things taking place in this world driven by Satan, tell me the best is yet to come. Yes, my spiritual friends, Paradise.

Agape.
Until we met again.
Kavi_Kris